Exploring the Depths: A Personal Guide to Shadow Work
What is our shadow
But shards of sharp, splintered grief
Never loved or healed
~ Brooke Boser
Around this time last year, I told a friend I was embarking on a journey to uncover my shadows. I had little understanding of what this entailed or what to expect, only a sense that unhealed parts of myself were holding me back. This intention led me to seek a new therapist and begin addressing difficult topics I had long avoided.
As I delved deeper into therapy, I found myself at the metaphorical entrance of a dark cave, sensing its depth but unsure of what lay ahead. Faced with the decision to either proceed or retreat, I chose, with trepidation and support from my therapist and journal, to pick up my flashlight and step into the unknown. This marked the beginning of my shadow work.
What is the shadow?
“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.”
~ Carl Jung
Before sharing more about my journey, it's essential to understand what shadow work entails. So, what exactly is the shadow? Although I am still exploring the depths of Carl Jung's work, his contributions to the concept of shadow work are invaluable. Jung describes the Shadow as ‘the dark and emotional aspect of your psyche,’ a notion that resonates deeply with my experiences. Another perspective defines the shadow as “the self's emotional blind spot - the part the ego does not want to acknowledge.”
In other words, it’s the parts of ourselves that we do not want to accept, that we suppress, that we would rather not exist. However, without exploring these parts of ourselves we cannot become whole. We remain splintered off into separate pieces, like broken glass or firewood at the end of the ax. We become separated. It is only by bringing these exiled pieces back to our consciousness that we can heal them and integrate them back into our whole, authentic selves, which is what shadow work aims to do.
Shadow Work and Learning to Recognize Shadow Parts
“You have to confront the very parts of yourself that you fear most to find what you have been looking for, because the mechanism that drives you to conceal your darkness is the same mechanism that has you hide your light. What you’ve been hiding from can actually give you what you’ve been trying hard to achieve.”
~ Debbie Ford
Have you ever been triggered by something that seems relatively harmless, but hurt nonetheless? Do you ever find yourself getting irritated when someone doesn’t see you in the way that you want to be seen? Or, do you ever get set off by someone else’s behaviour?
If you answered yes to any of these questions you may be contacting your shadow. Doing shadow work means that you are willing to shine a light on these shadows. It’s taking responsibility and accountability for all of the judgements we place on ourselves and others. Our shadows are often reflected back to us through the behaviors or words of others that anger, frustrate, or disappoint us. As Debbie Ford says in the book ‘The Shadow Effect’, “we are designed to project onto others the qualities we can’t see in ourselves.”
Building on this, Melanie Klein’s concept of projective identification further illuminates shadow work. According to the Melanie Klein Trust, projective identification is an unconscious process where parts of oneself or internal objects are projected onto an external object, perceived as either positive or negative. In simpler terms, when you are drawn to or repelled by someone, you might be experiencing a reflection of your own shadow.
An unexamined shadow can lead to poor self-esteem, anxiety, depression, self-sabotage, or the other side of the same coin, an inflated ego. It will affect how we show up in the world and how we are in relationship with others. That said, the shadow is a natural part of who you are. In the words of Deepak Chopra, also from the book ‘The Shadow Effect’, “the stronger the light, the greater the shadow. This isn’t something created by humankind; it’s the way nature works. We don’t have to demonize the shadow; it’s the source of almost every challenge worth facing.” Instead, we have to befriend all of the parts of ourselves, even the ones we don’t like, and speak compassionately to them. This is how we start to integrate those splinters back into the whole.
In my personal journey, exploring my shadows felt like entering a dark room and asking, 'Is anyone there?' Instead of a frightening monster, I found a scared little girl in need of compassion—wounded by life's challenges but brave enough to respond with a tentative 'Yes, I’m here.' I envision her peeking around a door, ready to shut it at any moment but also yearning to let down her guard and be loved. Through this process, I’ve learned there are no parts of me to reject, only parts to discover and heal.
The reward for engaging in shadow work is profound: a heightened sense of self-awareness and self-compassion. As I navigate through my shadows, I have started to emerge with greater confidence and deeper, more meaningful relationships. It’s a feeling of healing and wholeness. To quote ‘The Shadow Effect’ once again, “the shadow is not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered but a fertile field to be cultivated. When we dig our hands into its rich soil, we will discover the potent seeds of the people we most desire to be.”
Conclusion
“Once befriended, our shadow becomes a divine map that—when properly read and followed—
reconnects us to the life we were meant to live, the people we were meant to be,
and the contributions we were meant to give.”
~ Debbie Ford
I went in search of my shadow because I could feel that something was holding me back. I could feel that I had parts of me that were not healed. I had parts of me that were stuck in the past.
Sometimes people are afraid of their shadow. It can sneak up on them and scare them. But the truth is, depending on where the light is coming from, the shadow is always there. It could be small, it could be big, depending on the angle of the sun. You will never be without your shadow. It's not something "to get rid of”. You need to get to know your shadow parts, learn to understand them. Learn why they come up for you and when. Then you need to give them compassion. Only then will they stop sneaking up on you. They will become much less scary.
Shadow work requires the courage to step into that dark room and reclaim the parts of ourselves we've abandoned—the grieving, wounded, and neglected aspects. Wholeness comes from embracing both our light and our dark. We are beautiful, messy creatures, and even our messy parts need love. When we embrace these parts and cease to judge or push them away, our hearts lighten, and we begin to understand true wholeness.
Please find some journaling prompts below to guide your own shadow work journey.
Journaling Prompts
If you feel inspired, take some time to journal about any thoughts or emotions that arose while reading this article. Below, I’ve provided three journaling prompts that align with the concepts discussed. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to discuss these ideas further.
Exploring Triggers:
"Reflect on a recent situation where you felt unexpectedly triggered or upset. Describe the situation in detail. What emotions did you experience? What do you think this reaction might reveal about a shadow part of yourself that you haven't fully acknowledged?"Embracing Hidden Parts:
"Identify a part of yourself that you typically suppress or feel ashamed of. Write a letter to this part of yourself, expressing compassion and understanding. How has this part of you tried to protect or serve you, even if in misguided ways?"Dialogue with the Shadow:
"Imagine having a conversation with your shadow. Ask it what it wants you to know and how it feels. Write down both sides of the dialogue. What insights do you gain from this interaction? How can you integrate this shadow part into your conscious self more lovingly?"
Note: Please seek professional help if you sense some of your shadows will be very painful to revisit and you need support.
Feature Photo by Rene Böhmer on Unsplash
