Essential Learnings - 5 Key Insights from “Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole”
If you’ve ever wondered why you like sad music …
If you find comfort or inspiration in a rainy day …
If you react intensely to music, art, nature, and beauty …
Then you probably identify with the bittersweet state of mind.~ Susan Cain
Reflecting on these musings above from Susan Cain’s wonderful book “Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole”, I found a connection with the bittersweet in my own life. As a lover of sad music and rainy days (albeit not too many in a row), and someone who can lose themselves in the contemplation of a mountain or lake view, I realized that my affinity for solitude and introspection wasn't unique. In a world that often glorifies extroversion and high-energy personas, delving into Cain's writings feels like finding a sanctuary—a place where the value of solitude, reflection, and connection with nature is not only acknowledged but celebrated. It's a reminder that there are more of us out there, quietly pursuing our passions and finding fulfillment in the simple joys of writing, wandering, and cherishing moments with loved ones.
From my reading of the book here are five key insights from "Bittersweet" that I think are important:
1. Longing and Belonging: Cain encourages us to embrace longing not as an empty void but as a pathway to belonging. Drawing wisdom from Joseph Campbell, she reminds us:
“to participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.”
Recognizing the bittersweet as an integral part of the human experience. This acceptance of our emotions, free from judgment, is a catalyst for long-term thriving.
2. Finality’s Awareness: Our sensitivity to the bittersweet arises from a keen awareness of life's impermanence. By acknowledging the transient nature of existence and relationships, we infuse our experiences with greater depth and purpose.
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
Embracing the philosophy of "Memento Mori," we are reminded of the urgency to seize the present moment, for tomorrow is never guaranteed.
3. Kindness Born of Sorrow: Cain draws upon the wisdom of Naomi Shihab Nye to illuminate the profound connection between kindness and sorrow:
“Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.” ~ Naomi Shihab Nye
Through gentle self-compassion during times of hardship, we cultivate empathy and compassion towards others, fostering a more nurturing and understanding world.
4. Creativity and Pain: Creativity possesses the transformative power to turn pain into something better. Using pain as information about what matters most leads to meaningful and transformative expressions. In my own life, I am personally drawn to poetry, both as a reader and a writer. I resonated with Cain's assertion that creativity thrives in the midst of pain.
"Whatever pain you can’t get rid of, whatever joy you can’t contain, make it your creative offering ... It’s not that pain equals art. It’s that creativity has the power to look pain in the eye, and to decide to turn it into something better." ~ Susan Cain
In embracing our pain and joy alike, we heed Cain's call to make them our creative offerings—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
5. Healing through Others: Cain introduces us to the work of Susan David, emphasizing the importance of embracing discomfort as a catalyst for growth.
“Businesses are often trying to shape themselves to be safe, innovative, collaborative, and inclusive. But safety holds hands with fear; innovation holds hands with failure; collaboration holds hands with conflict; and inclusion holds hands with difference. These business outcomes depend on an openness to the bittersweet. Indeed, on normalizing bittersweet.” ~ Susan David
By loving ourselves unconditionally and embracing the inevitability of change and loss, we embark on a journey towards profound fulfillment and self-discovery.
In conclusion, "Bittersweet" serves as a poignant exploration of the intricate interplay between emotion and creativity. Through Cain's masterful narrative, we not only find solace in life's complexities but also uncover the transformative power within ourselves to turn our experiences into something truly meaningful.
I will leave you with one last story from the book:
A rabbi walks with a little boy down a path, and they come across a dead bird. The boy asks why the bird had to die.
“All living things die,” explains the rabbi.
“Will you die?” asks the boy.
“Yes,” answers the rabbi.
“Will I?”
“Yes.”
The boy looks distressed.
“Why?” he asks urgently.
“Because that’s what makes life precious,” says the rabbi.
